Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
