I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
