remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
