The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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