girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
