once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
