all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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