and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
