We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
