This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
