If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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