I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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