so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
