how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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