I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
