i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
