just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
COCAINE IS GR8
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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