I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
