I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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