im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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