I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
