Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
