i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
