So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
