I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
