I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
