That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
