When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
