my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I want a musical about memes.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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