reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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