She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
