Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I pour the whiskey from now on
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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