just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
