Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
