Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
