The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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