maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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