dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
In other news, I just burned my penis
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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