stop calling my apartment porn island.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
