You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
