I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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