TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
