just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
