Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
