I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
