I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
