Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
