Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
