Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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