When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
